a lesson learned from dirty laundry...

So my challenges got me thinking today…I realized today that it bothers me a lot that I have to get somebody else to do my laundry and that there are other things that I can’t do by myself. I mean I’d thought about it before but not like this…a friend wrote a post in her blog that actually got me thinking and then my own challenge of not being able to do my laundry got my mind really going.

See I realized today that I have such a hard time letting somebody else give of their time to take my dirty laundry down to the laundry room and bring it back an hour and a half later or so all clean and fresh. But my desire in life is to live for God to the best of my ability yet how can I do that if I can’t let Him clean my “laundry” without struggling inwardly and finally giving in annoyed that I can’t do it myself? I mean it really is the same concept. What’s the difference between having a friend offer to do my laundry and having God offer to soak, bleach, scrub, and cleanse my filthy heart? The only difference that I can see is that my laundry will get dirty again in a week or so but my heart is getting constantly scrubbed so no matter when you check as long as I’ve kept up my end of the bargain and done my best to live for God, my heart should sparkle. My friend here in the dorm didn’t get the laundry to sparkle(not that fabric ever sparkles but that’s not the point) she simply threw it in a washer with some detergent and some fabric softener and let the washer do its job and then threw it in a dryer and let the dryer finish it up and then she folded it so nicely but she didn’t spend hours on it she just did what anyone else would have done because that works for washing clothes but God went way beyond that because He always does and sacrificed His Son just to get the best detergent to cleanse our hearts, His blood. Honestly that really is amazing because no matter how many times I hear about it, it still speaks to me.

Ok so back to my point, what will it take for me to be willing to let my friend help me because regardless whether I ask my roommate, or another good friend here, or God I need to learn how to have the willingness to let down my pride and accept the help happily. Not that I’m not grateful, but inside I’m thinking to myself I really wish I could just do it myself because I don’t like bothering others even if they say it doesn’t bother them and why can’t I be normal and why did God have to take this ability away too? And now it makes a little more sense…He knew I wasn’t willing enough so He showed me in a more hands-on way that I can’t do everything myself and that I need to learn to let Him in to cleanse my heart properly because I really can’t do it myself.

Oh by the way, yeah I had a doctor’s appointment this past Wednesday and I’ll update on that in a couple of days, I just need to process some stuff first before I’ll be ready to share publicly.